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Past Parity

Monday, February 28, 2006

How much for that Jesuit in the window, the one with the waggly tail?

There’s a Christian store near the vet we take our dogs to called ‘The Christian Family Store’. Every time we drive past I barrage Pie with my usual stupid questions like:
“How much does a Christian family cost?”
“Will I have to feed them or are they self sustaining?”
“Will they try and convert me?”
“Can I put them in a crate overnight and slap them on the nose with a newspaper if they foul in the house?”
Pie just sinks her head into her hands and sobs lightly to herself. I used to think it was laughter but now it may be exhaustion from hearing my same lame jokes week in and week out.

This morning we had an unusual start to the day. Nugget must have slipped out of the kitchen when I was putting him to bed and snuck back onto the couch. Leastways I overslept this morning and Pie turned over to ask me if I was getting out of bed. When she turned back over all I heard her say was “What are you doing here?” and seeing Nugget’s little head bouncing up and down by the bed. He must have hidden all night then come up when he was ready for breakfast. I can’t explain how charming I find that, but then again I’m easy to please. She then lifted him on the bed and streaked over and licked every bit of my face he could before I hid under the covers begging (quietly) for mercy.

I hope we may have found a singer this weekend which everyone liked. Seeing as it’s a guy vs a girl I think this may be a good opportunity to change the band name. Modern Union was always a compromise. It was meant to be New Union but a certain someone who shall remain nameless (but their name rhymes with Jeff), decided that they didn’t like the word New for some bizarre reason I can’t remember

spoke Rob at at 4.00pm | permalink | 0 comments

Monday, February 13, 2006

Life lessons from a little old Jewish dog

I read “Marley and Me’ this weekend. I heard someone jokingly call it ‘Tuesdays with Marley’ as it’s meant to be life lessons you can learn from your dog. Although I really enjoyed the book I have to say I wouldn’t encourage anyone to take life lessons from a dog.

Firstly dogs above all they believe in self gratification (sometimes a little more literally then others). As much as I’d like to sleep all day and only wake up long enough to eat and receive a generous belly rub from Pie I need to earn my keep.

Secondly apart from a few brown nosing guide dogs for the blind types, dogs are shameless thieves. If you follow that lesson you’d knock over a bank and when the cops came to get you weekly give them a sheepish look and limply hold out your hand until they go ‘awwwww..look he thinks he people. Give him a milk bone and let him go home’.

Thirdly most dogs idea of hygiene involves rolling in something which smells like it died a while ago.

Of course the idea of punishing hardened criminals by hitting them on the fanny with a rolled up newspaper or rubbing their nose in the mess of the murder scene seems wonderfully surreal to me.

One of the ways ‘Marley and Me’ affected me was to remind how Oliver has gone from an eight week old puppy who was all paws and ears to the slightly elder statesman he is today. Pie and get regular comments on what good shape he’s in (he’s like one huge muscle under the saggy skin), I’m still brutally aware how many miles he has on the clock. Most of his reddish fur has now turned white and stinks like something very stinky, but then again he’s always smelt like that so no change.

One last thing. Happy early Valentines Day Pie.

p.s. when Pie rules the world I already have the job of royal concubine marked.

spoke Rob at at 9.00pm | permalink | 0 comments

Thursday, February 09, 2006

The name of the prophet

I have to admit this recent furor about the pictures of Mohammed has me kind of irked. After the initial cartoons were published for all the European countries to reprint them strikes me as well, boneheaded. Something about fire….something about throwing fuel….something about a big bang.

That said I started to think just because Islam prohibits depictions of Mohammed does that apply to other religions? I mean you don’t see Jews strapping a bomb to their backs and walking into an IHOP for serving bacon or a Christian walking into a Synagogue for the Jew not worshiping Jesus. That said deliberately antagonizing a group of people who were already upset is just begging to set off some cataclysmic situation.

In the spirit of this I found this article by Ann Coulter politically incorrect, inflammatory, self-congratulatory but highly amusing. She points out that historically Muslims actually drew pictures of Mohammed, it was a fairly recent advent historically for it to be banned

Also this article from the LA times is a welcome breath of moderation.

spoke Rob at at 12.30pm | permalink | 0 comments

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

In today’s episode the part of Pie will be played by Parity

Pie worked from home yesterday and I drove in (vs taking the Vanpool) so I get to do her driving rant. I was happily overtaking some Sunday driver yesterday (after the Seahawks lost I think the whole State had a mass hangover) when I looked in my mirror to see a Chevy Suburban flying up my tail feathers at about 90 – 100mph. Now I’d be the first to admit I don’t have big career goals, but being a horn ornament on a Chevy full-size isn’t one of them. I got the hell out of his way but found asking myself the old question “Why isn’t there a cop around when you need one, and when they do three turn up at once”…maybe I’m thinking about buses.

One of the most gratifying moments in my life was seeing somebody driving like that before and thinking the same thought and then seeing a Cop with a speed gun on the side of the road ready to nab him. When the Cop caught him he stopped in the fast lane blocking traffic, I hope the cop pulled out his night stick and gave him a good beating.

It amazes me how some people get drivers licenses. I once heard a co-worker saying she was pulled over while passing traffic in the turn lane and seemed surprised she wasn’t meant to do that. You did take the test right!!! Of course some of my friends have some bone headed notions about driving as well, but that’s a rant for another day.

I’m getting over a nice little cold. On Friday night I was shaking more then Jerry Falwell watching 'Brokeback Mountain (I borrowed that from Leno). Now my voice is merely dropping to the Barry White register and coughing up what looks like outtakes from a Ridley Scott horror film.

spoke Rob at at 1.00pm | permalink | 1 comment