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Past Parity

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Arrrr matey

So on the news today there was a talk that some pirates had attacked two US warships off the coast off Somalia. Of all the news reports I expected to hear, one that US warships had been attacked by pirates was the least.

Pie and I booked a hotel for our trip back to bloke-land. We picked a Hilton in Kensington which is a much nicer establishment then we usually stay at. We can probably assume there won’t be any toe nails in the bed (that actually happened) or en-suite showers which have a light bulb hanging in the middle (that also happened, same hotel). I talked to my brother today and he asked what days Pie and I planned to visit him. I had to let him know that we hadn’t planned down to that macro level yet.

I did manage to get Pie to agree to go to France (probably Paris) for the day so I’ll need to brush some of my French skills off. Of course even if I could ask a question I’d never understand the response.

MU finally has a new singer in the shape of Najamoniq Todd. She has the power of Charity and the subtly of Liz. She also has a more soulful style then either which puts a new twist on things. So hopefully she won’t get married, divorced, pregnant or move to Texas (don’t ask) anytime soon.

I have to go now, Oliver just cut one on the couch next to me…thump…………………..

spoke Rob at at 5.00pm | permalink | 1 comment

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

….and the pork chop necklace award goes to (drum roll)

I may have mentioned it before but I’ve met Duff McKagan (Gun’s and Roses/Velvet Revolver) 2 – 3 times a few years ago. He’s very down to earth, intelligent and an all round nice guy. He even remembered me occasion to occasion “Oh yeah, you’re that English guy”, flattery or at least familiarity will get you everywhere.

However he once made a comment in an interview a few years ago I have to take exception to. This being that he cited Side Vicious as an influence which leads me to make two points:
1) Sid Vicious couldn’t actually play bass. The Sex Pistols guitarist actually played all the bass lines on the album and live Mr Vicious just made a bunch of noise and looked like a plonker.
2) Sid Vicious was a strung out, stupid no talent ass clown, put into the band by the cursed Malcolm McClarren which leads me to my next point.

Malcolm McClarren not only is instrumental in breaking up two of the greatest bands in history (The Sex Pistols and my beloved New York Dolls) but he also inflicted Bow Wow Wow on the world (while at the same time breaking the original version of Adam and the Ants, another Rob favorite).

I therefore declare this year he is the recipient of the pork chop necklace and meat paste panties award. The winner will be placed naked wearing nothing but aforementioned pork chop and meat paste into a pack of wild unfed dogs and ripped limb from limb for crimes against humanity and it this case music

Of course that’s just the kind of notoriety Mr McClarren wants, but I wont let that spoil my enjoyment.

spoke Rob at at 12.45pm | permalink | 0 comments

Monday, March 06, 2006

Small amendments to the previous rule

Now I’m going to have to contradict the post I made regarding Marley and Me regarding not being able to learn life lessons from a dog. There are actually two very good lessons you can learn:

1) Unconditional love – For whatever you can say about Nugget (hates strangers, anyone who has the audacity to walk past our house, constant yapping) and to a lesser degree Oliver (consistently missing the dog door by 2 – 3 rooms), both of them show total love for Pie and I. Nugget especially will squeeze into any crevice and will despite being repeatedly thrown from the couch will valiantly keep jumping back up so he can be next to his humans. You can scream at them, rub their noses in their various offensive outputs and put a choke chain on them and they’ll continue to love you like a saint which a human would never do…unless they’re into some hardcore S & M

2) Anytime is goodtime for a nap.

If you haven’t watched Wallace and Gromit ‘The Curse of the Were-Rabbit’ please do so immediately, you may also want to bring some diapers which are proportionate to your size.

spoke Rob at at 12.30pm | permalink | 0 comments

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Kiss kiss, cuddle cuddle

There was article on CNN yesterday saying that Presidents advisors think that the Bin Laden tape which came out before the last election helped swing voters towards voting for Bush. I’m sure the conspiracy theorists were jumping through hoops with that one (because of course Bin Laden is just a government puppet for us to justify oil wars – Mr FBI Man scanning my blog that was sarcasm in case you didn’t pick up on it)

On a related topic an Australian man who was arrested for being an Al-Queda member is quoted as saying Bin-Laden doesn’t like being kissed but is partial to being hugged. Maybe having a drunken Aussie clean out his tonsils with his tongue doesn’t appeal to the Al-Queda leader, I know it wouldn’t for me either. I still stick to my theory that Bin Laden died several years ago and Al-Queda is just doing their own militant Islamic version of ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’. There’s always a couple of other terrorists out of camera shot holding Osama’s lifeless corpse up and working his jaw up and down with wires “Ha ha infidels I still live, disregard the maggots crawling out of my eyeballs and my two brothers struggling to hold me up”.

Heck it worked for Reagan and Brezhnev for years, who am I to criticize?

Talking of the gross I lost most of the hearing in my right ear on Friday. I had a physical last week and the doctor told me my ear was badly blocked and to get some ear wax remover. Ironically, well maybe not ironically be funnily enough a couple of days later I couldn’t hear anything. I went back to the doctor yesterday and he syringed my ear with warm water to clear it. If you’ve never had this done I advise it’s wonderfully disgusting, kind of like having your brain pressure washed. Afterwards it looked like someone has crumbled a chicken stock cube into the bowl he was holding under my ear. Accckkkkk

spoke Rob at at 4.30pm | permalink | 2 comments